&i still love
you.
you might never see this but,
i'm glad you're doing well.
i hated you, because i never believed you could have a change of heart.
i hated you, because i felt guys who breakup using sms was really ridiculous, and i still feel that way.
i hated you, because you told me we could still be friends.
it sounded absurd, because you knew it won't happen.
it was clearly an attempt to make yourself feel better.
i hated you, because i thought it was your fault.
even so, i hated myself even more.
because i still loved you.
i used to think the root of problem wasnt me, but because you never made yourself clear.
but actually, when things happened, both parties were at fault.
As time passed, i started to think it was all my fault.
i guess it was because i wanted you back badly.
Then i finally realise that yea, we were both wrong.
but the most important thing was; it doesnt matter anymore.
i put on a facade, to let everybody believe i was okay.
i didnt want to appear weak in front of anyone.
it was back to how i used to be.
i didnt believed in friends.
or maybe, i just didnt meet the right people.
i realised i began to become more and more introvert.
until i met you, you were the only one i opened up myself to.
which was why i was devastated when i lost you i guess.
when it was game over for us, i found the way of life that i've been leading was so unbearable.
it was unbearably lonely.
it made me wonder, how i lived all these years like that.
without a care for anyone who existed.
its been a long time since i had the courage to look at your blog.
and today, it felt like i've took something off my chest.
i still love you, but i realise i dont want you back anymore.
its been 170 days since you left me.
and in this 170 days, i've been thinking of you everyday.
i dont deny that i still do tear over you.
and i believe i still will.
the ring, our ring.
i'm still keeping it.
when i feel like throwing it away,
i was always held back at the last moment of letting it go.
you were my first, but dont worry i wont let it be the last.
i'm still very straight too.
to sum it up,i'm happy for you, that you're happy now.
when we were together, most of the time was a struggle.
you knew it, i knew it.
i'm glad that we broke up.
and i believe you are too.
i'm sorry for the times that i made you unhappy.
i'm happy that you're happy now,
with someone that can bring a smile to your face,
fulfilling something that i couldnt do well at.
all the best to you.
However, through this,
it made me realise that there are people who cared for me,
just that i didnt treasure.
i'm glad i had
michelle to accompany me.
when i needed her, she will try her best to meet me.
she will try her best to make me forget and be happy.
when my dad wasnt in good health and when we almost got into a car accident,
i called her and cried my heart out.
i cried so hard that i couldnt talk,
and she offered to cab down to be there for me.
i'm sorry, i'm sorry babe that i hadnt been there for you.
and i'm thankful that when i was at my worst, you were there.
readily offering me a shoulder to cry on.
i promise when you need me, anytime that you need me,
i will be there right away for you.
but i must be in singapore also la.
MICHELLE SARANG HAE~~~ KEKEKE.
laogong chinyee told me to give a chance to myself and others.
but bitch hubby, i'm still not ready.
you took 1 year okay, and i'm only 170 days now.
its unfair. i dont believe i can love 2 people at the same time.
you cant split your heart into half.
until i've really let go, i wont get into another r/s.
and i believe it wont be anytime soon.
i'm sorry to
you.
i need time for myself still.
&
wilmo,
i believe you'll never see this but,
thank you very much for all you've done for me.
when i first broke up, you were there on the phone with me.
even though we were merely friends in maple,
you called me to lend me a listening ear.
you accompanied me in maple, even buying so much cash for me ._.
i'm sorry i waste your cash~~ i think you buy for me at least got 30~40 cards already? through the 3 years+ i know you,
you always dont wanna take my meso :(
and i'm happy that we are still in contact.
thank you for remembering me when you're going taiwan!
even though i casually mention to you that i want to get the manga from taiwan,
when you are going there you actually remembered about it,
and called me to confirm the details about it,
and promised to get it for me.
sorry that i've showed my terrible temper to you before.
i've been so so terrible :(
hello
jinghui,
my ever so faithful reader of blog HEHEHEHEEE.
although we hardly communicate,
i wont even say we are close friends but,
thank you for your concern :D
when i was sad, you talked to me.
when i was sick, you told me to take care.
and thats what matters ^^
simplest acts like that makes me happy, really.
fucker noob ELDEE,
you are still a BIG FUCKER.
and no i dont miss you, HAHA.
you are 99% fucker, seriously.
1% is when...
you help me when i was down.
even though its just virtual,
but it made me realise you are not a fucker afterall LOL.
and lets see......
the time when you came from woodlands to my house to fetch me,
the time when you came to my school to fetch me,
the time when you offered to drive me from my house to my school because i forgot to bring my report that had absolute deadline on that day and was thinking of going home to get it,
the times when you drive me back after the long day out,
thanks lor, LOL.
omg i sound SO ungrateful, but you know i'm not :]
i still seriously believe sitting in your car is very dangerous.
STILL, thanks for being there with me when i was down.
& johi was happy with you in maple.
but i believe it was hard.
4 years is a huge gap.
we had too many differences in the way we think.
which brought about many unjustified arguements.
i believe i have the rights to who i wanna be friends with.
just like how i dont control you,
i couldnt understand why you wanted to restrict me.
i will never give up one thing for another.
you told me you hated people who broke promises.
but you did it too.
i believed in you, but when i wasn't around,
you let go of your hand quietly.
anyhow, i hope you're happy now :]
i mean really, i'm not worth the effort nor time anyway.
no matter what, we will just be virtual, dont you agree?
wow, so long sia, like essay.
& I AM STILL SOOOOOOOOOOO HYPED OVER THE WII!
i cant believe my bro agree so readily HEEHEE.
i was seriously trying my luck.
thank you doris today for accompanying me to get the fucking sticker for calculator -.- the lecturer so inflexible that i almost died arguing with her.
BUT anyway, i won HEEHEE, she gave in to me eventually :x
and thank you for waiting for me at mcdonnies so long for the fucking mcspicy.
i'm sorry i wasted your time :(
and hello athirah, we got alot of datasheet piling up.
we should do soon or we will end up like last sem, LOL.
おやすみ、みんあさん〜
off to relax awhile then revise :]
no matter what, its not gonna change that i'm having menses.
so i should live with it and stop being whinny about it and study.
i'm basically blaming my menses for my laziness HEEHEE.
oops, did i just spoil somebody's appetite? ^^
and i realise my blog got 40+ readers,
only 3 tag. i'm so sad :(
i'm so lovable, give some love to me~